Covid-19 Series, Entry #15

Good news and bad news.

We’ve started watching The Crown, so please read this in a British accent, a la Claire Foy as Queen Elizabeth.

Now. Let’s start with some good news, shall we?

My lovely family indulged my desire to have a rather spoofy holiday card this year and… I present to you… “Best Wishes ~ Warmest Regards” inspired by my unhealthy obsession with Schitt’s Creek. Schitt’s Creek has been, quite literally, one of the only things to help drag me through this disaster of a year.

I would encourage anyone over 18 years old to start watching this show immediately. It will surely make your life better. You must, however, make it through the first four episodes before drawing any firm conclusions or opinions. Unless of course they are favorable. And a word of caution…if you find yourself consuming any substantial quantity of alcohol while watching, you may inadvertently order yourself a closet full of T-shirts featuring David Rose, The Jazzagals and Rose Apothecary. Be warned.

More good news.

On December 28th, wearing my finest Dolly Parton T-shirt, I received my first dose of the Moderna vaccine. I was saturated with emotions in the moments leading up to this joyous event and was certain I would faint in the aftermath. But fortunately I did not and, thus, was not required to report “loss of consciousness” as a side effect of the vaccine (this has happened previously, but I will save that story for another day). I very much appreciate the dear nurses administering the shot with their heartfelt compassion and their insistence that I “did such a good job!” Jolly good times, indeed!

(Are you still reading in a British accent?)

More splendid news.

After 18.5 years of marriage, hundreds of batches of cookies, brownies, breads and mashed potatoes, Danny and I finally determined that we would abandon the manual mixing of food and dough and purchase a KitchenAid Mixer. It is currently on back order, but its arrival is something we look forward to with joyous anticipation. We agreed on the color “milkshake” and will, assuredly, sing the corresponding song during each use.

While I am overjoyed at the prospect of this latest kitchen appliance, I do worry that it will enable and intensify my laziness and that next year I will be posting about our new stair lift. Is there such a thing as a “gateway appliance?”

And speaking of mixing and baking, Danny and our eldest, Louisa, have taken up a keen interest in bread making. And now our kitchen smells like delicious bread and I have learned that I possess the ability and fortitude to consume half a loaf in one sitting. Which I estimate is near 5000 calories. Calories that are slathered in butter and occasionally sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar.

Quite miraculously my pants continue to fit, but I am fully prepared for the day (which will probably be tomorrow) when they don’t. At that point I will kick my scale, curse a little, take full responsibility for my poor dietary decisions cry bitterly into my pillow and begrudgingly abandon carbs as my tertiary form of coping (after Schitt’s Creek and wine, of course).

Which brings me to the bad news (still in British, please).

As it turns out wine is probably not the best tool for coping. In addition to the obvious reasons, I have discovered that drinking a little too much wine results in symptoms entirely too reminiscent of Covid and throws me into a full blown tizzy the following day. I may or may not have required a Covid test to ensure my safe return to work after a weekend of very intense…coping…

More bad news.

I’ve had a dry patch under my right eyebrow for a while which prompted my dermatologist to skillfully slice it off. In doing so, she found a trifle of cancer. So yesterday I had more slicing and cauterizing done, followed by suturing and bandaging. Fortunately the lovely nurse who was assisting the procedure covered me with a warm blanket which made the entire experience…pleasant. And ultimately, I will take three hours of peace and quiet any way I can get it. Even if it involves inhaling the scent of my own burning flesh.

And while we’re on the subject of bad news…Covid. It is still very much here, there and everywhere. I’ve unknowingly been in close proximity to it (thankfully masked as I was at work ~ not patient related, however) and remain convinced, now more than ever, that you must treat everyone you come into contact with as if they are infected. Unfortunately, from the looks of my social media feed, a lot of people had a very Merry Christmas with friends and family (who they assumed not to be infected) which will translate into a very scary January.

I’ll be on our Covid team next week, outfitted with my new 3M half face respirator and fancy goggles. I hope to see none of you anytime soon.

So…to recap:

1. Watch Schitt’s Creek immediately
2. Eat carbs, but not too many
3. Drink wine, but not too much
4. Get your Covid vaccine as soon as humanly possible
5. Wear sunscreen
6. Don’t use tanning beds
7. See a dermatologist yearly
8. Nurses make everything better
9. Don’t take doxycycline on an empty stomach
10. Continue to mask and stay away from people
11. Speak and/or think in a British accent whenever possible

If you’ve made it this far, and with a British accent, you are to be commended.

Cheerio!

Have a safe and healthy new year.