Covid-19 Series, Entry #4

Today I wrote up a protocol for how to allow someone dying of Covid-19 to die comfortably on life support machines because the act of actually removing the life support machine poses an increased risk of transmission to the providers present at the bedside.

So, there’s that.

In other news, I’m learning a lot from working at home.  So to lighten the mood…

1. I am the human embodiment of a mullet.  I am interfacing virtually with patients at the hospital, so I tend to wear nice, professional looking attire on my top half and the bottom half is anybody’s guess.
2.  Speaking of pants, I now understand why women my age live in yoga pants.  When you put on a pair of yoga pants, you lie to yourself that you will, at some point, work out.  Not once have I inadvertently found myself on my stationary bike or randomly in a plank since I started wearing yoga pants on the regular.  I remain convinced it will happen.
3. I am working on mastering the “perfect pee.”  The illusive urination that requires little to no toilet paper.  Open to suggestions.
4. I feel compelled to check in with Danny at regular intervals during the day.  Like I need to prove that I’m actually working and not hiding in the basement snacking. I mean…I’m snacking, but I’m working too.
5. Speaking of snacking, baking has become a coping mechanism for me.  Can we all just plan to gain 10lbs while we are isolated?  As a show of solidarity?  Then, if we all gain weight, the pounds cancel each other out and, really, nobody has gained any weight…if my thinking is correct.
6.  My actual co-workers at the hospital are perfectly fine with my cursing tendencies.  In fact, they are the people who have helped me hone these skills over the years. My “co-workers” at home are not as versed in ‘trucker-talk’ and I’ve really had to reign it in.
7.  Everyone I know has a perpetual headache and sore throat.  Which leads us to believe that we all have Covid-19.  Man, I have never been less worried that I have metastatic cancer. Thanks Covid!
8.  Grounds for divorce have changed dramatically.  One month ago I couldn’t imagine reaching out to a divorce attorney because Danny wore his shoes in the kitchen and sat an amazon package on the counter.
9.  Apparently there is a bunch of beef between T Swift and Kim Kardashian. Man, I wish I had the time and energy to really care.
10.  I feel insanely nervous watching TV shows where the characters are standing really close together.
11. Even though you can’t pick your nose, you can still pick your underwear out of your butt crack freely and unabashedly.  This should be celebrated!

Stay well friends!